he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
