I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
