he laminated a picture of his dick.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
