Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
