the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
