you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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