Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
where are you?
Hypothermia
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize