STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
