I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
from now on my penis is your penis
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
