i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
