Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
