someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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