What a fucking waste of an outfit
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
