the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize