Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
