She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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