At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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