I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
