; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
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My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL