My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn