am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
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Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".