i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
