We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
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I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
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I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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