How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
