They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
