she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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