i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
