I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
