you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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