We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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