my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
