I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
