I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
