The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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