Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
