I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
