i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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