i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I understand Curling. That high.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
