don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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