I think im going to throw up on grandma
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
