Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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