Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
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Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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