I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
