i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
