So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
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I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
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I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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