would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
