I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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