I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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