big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
