Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
