If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
