People with herpes should wear stickers.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
