just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
