i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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