someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
