Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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