And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
