I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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