idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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