im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
