I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
