omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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