His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
