just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
