I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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