Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This house was built for laser tag.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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