i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
