So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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