How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The air was thick with penises
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I would ride that face into the sunset
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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