I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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