remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
