A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Even my vagina gasped.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
