We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
