I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
