We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
